


Abeezlejuice

by astral_gravy, Augenblickgotter



Category: Beetlejuice (1988), Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: ABSFZ halloween zine, All for fun, Alternate Universe - Beetlejuice (1988) Fusion, Aziraphale is a Little Shit (Good Omens), Aziraphale is feral, Beetlejuice References, Crowley is So Done (Good Omens), F/M, Gen, Good Omens AU, Good Omens fusion, M/M, Naughty Aziraphale (Good Omens), Other, Scary Movies, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), They are made for each other, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), a little scary but nothing very intense, abigspookfanzine, aziraphale in the beetlejuice role, aziraphale is abeezlejuice, beetlejuice and good omens, big spooky fan, crowley in the lydia role, crowley is crowlydia, crowley is misunderstood, good omens mashup, spooks and fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27570475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_gravy/pseuds/astral_gravy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augenblickgotter/pseuds/Augenblickgotter
Summary: Crowlydia morbidly moves into the house of their recently departed friends Anathema and Newt. Their stuffy parents don't believe the possible proof that the young couple could still be lurking spectrally about. And to make their dismal life worse, their scruffy uncle, Shadwell, is also moving in the mansion.What is a misunderstood morose person to do?Look for help in that handy ‘Agnes Nutter's Nice and Accurate Guide to the Recently Deceased’, and maybe call a very helpful Ghost with the Most.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15
Collections: ABSFZ Halloween Good Omens Works





	Abeezlejuice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [astral_gravy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_gravy/gifts).



> Done for A Big Spooky Fanzine 2020. Though a digital zine and we were given 'unlimited' words for the story, I kept this a short one shot that doesn't cover the whole 'Beetlejuice' movie.  
> [Astral_gravy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_gravy/pseuds/astral_gravy) drew the fantastic piece and I jumped to find some way to write fic for it.
> 
> A wonderful thanks to both [Astral_gravy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_gravy/pseuds/astral_gravy) and[ my1alias ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/my1alias/pseuds/my1alias)for beta'ing.  
> And a wonderful thanks to [CanyQueenAO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyQueenAO3/works) and [CynSyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynSyn/gifts) for so much work in such short time !
> 
> Crowley/Lydia I left gender neutral, because I couldn't really settle on a gender, and everyone in the story goes with it fine except for Shadwell. Also their age is not given, but I wrote it like they are very much not a kid.  
> And I threw in Warlcok because dammit, I like Warlock.
> 
> Triggers for mild spooking and ghostly, naughty behavior, mild misgendering, and bad humor. Nothing very intense. ;)

>>

Todd Dowling sighed as he opened his box of takeout. He only gave a fleeting glance at the polaroids being waved in front of his face while his offspring was pointing and insisting that there was clearly a ghost in this one and two in this shot and…

The last few weeks' strains with moving, handling the business, and the rigors of family turmoil were exhausting him already. Sure, he had been eyeing this dream mansion for years and had been attempting to buy it from the bizarre family that had owned it for centuries. The current owner was that nutty occult girl Anathema, recently married to that nerd Newton. Both firmly refused to budge from the oversized abode, and the young Lady had the eccentric reputation as a Witch from a long Occult family line. Ironic fate fell upon the young couple with a recent car accident. No apparent relatives came forth, rumors of curses and ghosts sprang up around the place.

Todd figured it was time for everyone to move on for the better and knew a bargain when he saw it. Along with his wife Harriet and their two children, Crowlydia and Warlock, the family was moved in, and the upheaval of remodeling was in its full painful throes. 

The move was annoying for their young son, Warlock, at the tender, rotten age of 11. But it was even more traumatic for their eldest child, Crowlydia, whose whole darkly clad pale existence seemed to be wrapped in perpetual trauma. Not to mention they had been best friends with Anathema, much to their parents' chagrin. And now the weird offspring was snapping pictures all around the property and house, convinced they saw the ghosts of Anathema and Newton everywhere.

"Not at the table, 'Lyd," Todd scoffed as he fumbled with his chopsticks.

Crowlydia sighed and returned the pics to a dress pocket.

_"Stupid parents. Stupid accident. Why? Anathema would believe me and probably does. And I can't do a thing."_

They picked up their box and made little effort beyond opening the lid in slow motion. 

"So, children?" Mother Harriet asked primly, striving to break the silence as she sat for the meal around a makeshift dining table made of moving boxes, "What do you think of our new abode?"

"I think I wanna ride my dirt bike down the halls 'cause it's so big!" Warlock said around his takeout that he was shoveling into his mouth with his fingers.

"Son!" Father chided. 

"How about my skateboard then?" Warlock conceded, chewing loudly.

"Chopsticks or a fork, young man!"

He turned to Crowlydia, still shrouded in their oversized black hat with the surrounding lace veil pulled down, and wondered how the heck they ever managed to eat like that. (Well, he wondered how they could don that ridiculous hat on top of their eccentric pile of crazy red hair anyhow.)

"It's big," Crowlydia agreed. "It's nice where we hadn't changed anything like when Anathema and Newt lived..."

"Darling," Father sighed exasperatedly, "I understand you miss them, and change is hard. But it's time to put some of those things behind us. Don't you think they'd want you happy here even after they passed away?"

"I'm happy if we kept things like before..."

"'Lyd," Harriet warned, "We've been over this. Several rooms will be left alone, but the rest needs a professional touch that reflects our lifestyle and tastes. Alright? It's a business thing as much as how things look."

Crowlydia rolled their eyes and chewed quietly.

"It looks like an uptight colorblind fashion disaster," they silently muttered.

"And speaking of so much space," Todd announced with a heavy head tilt to his wife, who nodded back, "We are going to have a new family member soon."

Both of the offspring froze in tandem.

"You guys are having another baby?!" Warlock gagged over his noodles. 

Crowlydia's eyes snapped wide as they exchanged a terrified look with their little brother.

Harriet coughed as she attempted not to choke as she glanced at her husband.

Todd laughed. 

"No! Your Uncle Shadwell is coming over!"

Crowlydia groaned and rolled their head around.

Warlock shook his bangs off his forehead.

"The old gasbag?"

"WARLOCK!" mother gasped.

"It's true!" Warlock snorted. "He said he fought in the Great Witch War of 1987 in Transylvania. Well, I looked it up; there never was one. I don't think he's been in a war, and he's nuts..."

"I have to take a rare turn and agree with Warlock here," Crowlydia injected mirthlessly while poking at their meal.

"Children..."

"And he smells bad," Warlock went on.

"And he talks all day," Crowlydia muttered, "Telling the same stories and really is hung up on the nipples thing..."

"Children!" Todd bellowed, "Enough! Give the old man a break and get used to it. We have so much space he's moving in with us."

Warlock wailed and pretended to throw up in his empty takeout box.

Crowlydia felt their last nerve pop like popcorn. They grabbed the dusty copy of ‘ _Agnes Nutter's Nice and Accurate Guide to the Recently Deceased’,_ folded the polaroids in the cover _,_ and began to storm away.

"Lydia!" warned their father, gruffly. "You get back and finish your..."

"Nah," Crowlydia muttered, "Much rather ground myself in my room."

Harriet sighed watching the black form bop up the stairs followed by a door slamming shut. 

"We have to do something about them."

_______________________________

Crowlydia locked the door to their room, tossed the book on their bed, and sulked over to their portable record player. They flipped the arm over, and with a hiss, the needle found its home as Harry Belefonte began to fill the room.

_~Darling, go home, your husband is ill._

_Is he ill? Let them give him a pill._

_Oh, come my dear Franz, just One More Dance,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man._

  
  


They tried to find the usual joy in the words but couldn't. It actually made things worse.

Crowlydia used to come over on weekends, and Anathema would be listening to these records with Newton, dancing around as a young, carefree couple only could. 

Being so happy together. In their own house. 

_~Darling, go home, your husband is worse._

_Is he worse? Well I am no nurse._

_Oh, come my dear Franz, just One More Dance,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man._

  
  


_"And SHADWELL to rub salt in the wounds!"_

The morbid teen flopped on the bed and opened the tome, fossicking for some advice. 

God how they loathed that Uncle. His whole existence seemed to be to make Crowlydia’s teetering existence totter. Everything Occult was grounds for persecution, so he already disliked Anathema before. But his ire was aimed at saving Crowlydia from a life of sorcery and witchcraft following in the dead girl's footsteps.

_"C'mon Agnes; you've been pretty good at this. Anathema said this book always helped her, though you had to be careful with it."_

As the new owner of a family treasured book, Crowlydia was delivered wonderful affirmations from it in the last weeks since they had moved into this manor. Odd, fortune cookie quotes that proved true. 

Weird for a book that had been lying in the middle of this very room was their bedroom.

As if Anathema and Newt wanted them to have it. 

_~Darling, go home, your husband is dead._

_Is he dead? There's no more to be said_

_Oh, come my dear Franz, just One More Dance,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man,_

_Then I'll go home to my poor old man._

As Crowlydia lifted the book above their head, a piece of paper flitted out. The binding had been perfectly tight on this book all these years, and Crowlydia had combed every inch of this book over the last few days. It made them jump as it twirled out to rest on the black and red comforter. Turning to look, Crowlydia saw a small, dog eared piece of paper with erratic handwriting on it. 

_"_ **_Everything gone pear shaped and daft_ ** _?"_ was scrawled across it.

They scoffed.

"Yeah, could say that," they muttered.

Another piece of paper fell out on cue.

_"_ **_Do you rather have nothing to lose_ ** _?"_

Crowlydia scoffed again.

"Yeah, I suppose you could..."

Yet another scrap floated down.

_"_ **_Then, just shout out my name_ ** _!"_

Crowlydia rolled their eyes, unable to contain a snicker.

"Uhhh, and that is?"

Dozens of pieces of paper snowed down onto the bed.

Crowlydia giggled and shoveled them up with a hand to read aloud the same thing blazing across each one.

**"Abeezlejuice. Abeezlejuice... Abeezlejuice..."**

The lights flickered in the room along with a violent snapping noise. The record jumped and then began scratching back and forth.

_~ This is not time to dance... this is no time to dance... this is no time to dance..._

Crowlydia looked up to see someone reclining beside their record player with a finger on the record, scratching it back and forth. His chin was resting on his other hand.

His suit was striped. Not pinstriped, not faintly touched with complimenting colors—Black and white giant stripes. His complexion was pale and somewhat frightful with this abnormal discoloration around the edges that looked somewhat, well, dead. And it didn't help his hair was as pale as the rest of him and standing up madly.

"You called?" The man hummed in a surprisingly deep voice, flashing a mischievous grin. Everything about him looked more mischievous as Crowlydia gawked back. Like an oversized little brother full of evil pranks and tricks. REALLY evil and maybe otherworldly pranks and tricks. And there was a nagging sensation he was revived from somewhere nice boys don't go and never came back from if they did.

_"Yeah, I guess this is the part of the book Anathema warned me not to mess around with."_

"Uuuuh, I s'pose I did. Are you... Ahhh...beeezle...juice?"

"That's the name, terrifying and diabolical hijinks are my game!"

"Uh," Crowlydia gaped as they reached beside their bed and pulled up a baseball bat. "M'kay."

"Hey now!" Abeezlejuice frowned mockingly, "What is that for? I'm more of the board games type than sports."

"Oh, just normal self-defense in case things get too strange."

"An occult being from another realm was just summoned. Can they get any stranger?" Abeezlejuice honestly challenged, still toying with the record.

Crowlydia pondered this before chucking their weapon aside.

"You are right, there."

"No worries," Abeezlejuice promised as he leaned up.

"I'll make things so strange around here for everyone else that right now will be the norm. How's that?"

"Well, I do admit, I am looking for an out here."

"Ooh, do tell!" Abeezlejuice crooned from the floor. 

"We just met," Crowlydia warned, crossing their arms.

"All the more reason to get to know each other!"

Crowlydia glared skeptically.

"Look, I probably called you from a dirty dark Heck-Hole and all, but honestly, I don't think you'd understand..."

The room went dark, and a spotlight shone of Crowlydia dramatically.

"Let me try," the ghoul offered. "Are you someone who is misunderstood? Are you someone who's only being themselves in a world full of people who don't want them to be anything but another bland person? Are you a type who probably would rather be alone or with a few select friends instead of being popular?"

  
  


Crowlydia hugged themselves.

"Maybe. This is uh, a bit dramatic..."

The room lights lit back up.

"Should be, I did theater."

"Not surprised. Until you went to jail for your flare for drama?"

  
  


"Ah! Good guess!" Abeezlejuice stood up. "I've just gotten out for my worst best-behavior and am ready to get back in business."

"As... what?"

"An all-around pest and doier of not-so-good deeds!" Abeezlejuice announced, holding out his arms. The sound of a crowd cheering and applause erupted in the room. Abeezlejuice took a bow.

"Sounds terrific!" Crowlydia whooped as they jumped up from their bed. "My name is Crowlydia." They pushed their tinted glasses up to their eyes as they approached.

"Hey, my nickname may be sunshine, but I'm not that bright!" Abeezlejuice laughed, leaning up. "Or are you actually blind and summoned me to be a seeing eye dog?"

"Oh no, it's my eyes, they are weird and freak people out."

"Freak people out is my middle name," Abeezlejuice scoffed. 

"How weird? Weird as mine?"

For an instant, his eyes were a pair of swirling vortexes.

Crowlydia chortled as they lowered the tinted glasses, revealing golden irises with narrow slitted pupils. Abeezlejuice stared back, looking confused.

"Well, honestly, I think they are gorgeous!"

His own eyes momentarily transformed into hearts, making Crowlydia blush.

"Aww thanks. Most people think I'm a freak..."

"Well, you are in good company!" The Newly called-forth ghoul was now clasping his hands bashfully by the side of his face.

Crowlydia grinned like they hadn’t in years.

"Perfect! You see, my uncle is coming over, and he likes to make my life miserable over things like that."

"Ah," Abeezlejuice purred, "It's Showtime! Say no more! Let's see if we can't return the favor! Until then," he snapped his fingers, and music started up again- "... Care for one more dance?"

"Yes!" Crowlydia cheered as they both began whirling around the room.

_______________

Uncle Shadwell arrived the next day. Father had picked him up from the airport and drove him back to the waiting family. Slightly stooped and unshaven, as always. He hugged Harriet a little too long, gave arcanely bright remarks to Warlock while the boy rolled his eyes, and glared at Crowlydia like they were the end of times.

As the children feared, he settled into his old fashioned routine that used to be reserved for short visits and less than memorable holidays. 

Now it was every day.

Breakfast was long-winded stories about adventures in countries that didn't exist. What had been quiet times was shattered by cursing and grumbling. According to Shadwell, there was always something new-fangled malfunctioning he'd be hollering and having a fit over. And to top it off , he kept going on that the house was clearly haunted and Witchcraft was involved. He raged through the house like a one man tornado, shouting and foaming at every single thing he felt in the home that was under the influence of witchcraft. And apparently, it was all of it. 

Any moment Todd and Harriet appeared to be inactive in their own thoughts (which was very rare nowadays), they'd be cornered by a blustering older man about these issues. 

"Witches!" He'd declare. "Left thar' infernal touch everywhere! I fear for the children!"

The parents laughed and shrugged it off, though they became more strained every time trying to maintain the mirthful tone.

He tried to enroll Warlock in his Witch-Hunting group, but Warlock was more interested in some sort of TikTok war he was currently locked in with friends.

He incessantly pestered Crowlydia, his favourite target for provoking, relentlessly about their strange dressing manners, not picking skirts or trousers like a proper person should, dressing like it was a funeral every single day, those eyes of theirs like a subterranean soul snatching demon's. And always how many nipples they were in possession of. The nipples thing really got old. Crowlydia made the mistake of offhandedly joking they weren't sure; they never counted them all. That was all the ammo Shadwell needed for his literal witch hunt.

_____

A week into Life-with-Shadwell and The Elder Dowlings decided to go out for the evening, leaving the children to be watched by their Uncle. Todd and Harriet insisted they wouldn't be too much trouble yet warned the youths not to provoke their Uncle. 

And with that, the family car bearing the escaping parents pulled down the road to the small quaint town of Tadfield, and brief, deathly silence fell upon the household along with the sunset. 

Crowlydia was putting the final touches on their plan while sneaking up the hall to their room when she spotted Warlock bailing out an upper story window.

"Wow, escaping while you are still alive, Baby Brother?" they chortled quietly.

"Better believe it, sister!" Warlock whispered. "Why don't you just like, put on a record for background noise and come out too? I'm going to hang with the kids in town. You could come along."

Crowlydia smirked.

"Wow, thanks, little brother. But no worries, I have ... other plans for dear Uncle."

Warlock slid out of the window.

"Last chance, if you don't wanna be tied to a chair and have your nipples counted," He offered, grabbing the bottom of the window.

Crowlydia winked.

"Have fun with your friends, Warlock. I've got plans."

"Give him Hell," Warlock snickered.

______________________________________________________

_~DAY-O! DAaaaAaaaaY-O!!_

Shadwell sputtered and huffed from his nap as Harry Belafonte sounded through the house.

_~DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WANNA GO HOME!_

The pounding of music poured from the upstairs.

"Infernal noises!" he yowled. "Damn heathen! Turn that caterwaulin' off this instant!"

Crowlydia sashayed out of their room to the beat over to the railing. 

They leaned over the banister and peered down as Shadwell shuffled into sight, glaring back at them.

"Sheesh, old man, this is actually music from your generation, you know! If you don't like 'Banana Boat,' you are soulless!"

"Ye little harridan!" Shadwell growled, pointing at them, "I fear yeh are the one lackin' a proper soul! Sold it to the Devil did ye!"

Crowlydia shrugged. "Well, it was a hard deal to beat at the time, Uncle."

Shadwell stammered more.

"Ye loathsome child..."

"I'm not a child..."

"Well, then I shan't treat ya like a misguided innocent nay more! As a full grown proper... whateveh' ye may be!" 

Shadwell righted himself with the gravest face he could muster.

"I take it upon myself to exorcise ye!"

Crowlydia gasped, holding the sides of their face.

"No! No! You don't want to meet my demons! They won't be happy!"

"Ah ha!" Shadwell barked in triumph, "Didn' matter what they like, I've handled worse!" 

"I doubt it!" Crowlydia dashed away, and the slamming of a door let Shadwell know they had gone back to their room.

The music didn't dim in the least.

_6 FOOT, 7 FOOT, 8 FOOT BUNCH!_

Shadwell huffed as he ascended the stairwell, the music seeming to drown out his own thinking.

_"Eh, always knew that child weren't right. Todd never listin' to my logic... pant.. now... I must take matters into my own hands!"_

Shadwell stopped to gather his breath but gagged when he looked upward. Why did the stairs look endless? He couldn't even see to the top.

_~DAYLIGHT COME AND ME WANNA GO HOME!_

Shadwell shook his head and stepped further up, becoming sweaty not from labor, but from the strange feeling the stairs were literally unending.

He panted harder and harder, face going flush and breath heaving.

Opening his mouth to shout his irritating voice didn’t emerge, but Harry Belafonte’s singing.

_"COME MISTER TALLY MAN AND TALLY ME BANANAS!"_

He covered his mouth, looking around.

_"Oh God give me strength to deal with the most foul of da'mons..."_

By the time he found the top of the stairs and made it to Crowlydia’s bedroom door, he couldn't even hear himself shouting the threat to pick the lock open if he had to.

To his surprise, when he grabbed the kyenob, the door eased open on its own.

The music went utterly silent and did the rest of the house. He peered back and realized all the lights had gone out, save for a few hall lamps on either side of the door.

He steeled himself.

_"Worse than I thought. The house is controlling that poor warped creature; they must be alike a beacon to their evil ways..."_

He stepped in to see an identical hallway like the one he just stepped in from. Holding his breath, he glanced back to the darkness behind him.

His mouth fell open as he strode forward to open the door before and encounter an identical sight. 

Just as he contemplated turning back, the door behind him slammed shut.

_"DAY-O!_ " filled the air, making him jolt and grapple his own shoulders.

_"Oh god, surely a Witch Hunter as meself should have the tools to..."_

  
  


"Ohhhh Uncle," chimed a voice from within the nearest room. A voice much deeper than Crowlydia’s.

He peered into the room, also darkened except for a few candles placed on the floor.

In a circle. A circle of chalk drawn on the floor along with a roster of mysterious emblems. Encircling a chair in which Crowlydia sat. Their oversized hat blotted out their face, and the veil before it shrouded them further in obscurity. Shadwell swallowed and stepped in.

"Ay, much worse than I feared!" 

He stood before the figure with his hands clenched behind his back. 

"Eh! Heathen Spawn of my least favourite second cousin! Can ye' hear me?"

"We hear you," growled several inhuman voices from under the hat.

"Ah, good. Well, hear the last ye shall hear in this damn household. I come to banish ye for all time!" 

"It sounds like fun!" the voices tittered.

Shadwell gravely shook his head.

"Sorry laddy...lassie.... it'll hurt me more thin' it'll hurt you."

"You are correct there."

Shadwell reached in his coat pocket.

"First, I need an item... Bell!"

He pulled out a cell phone, punching around the pad until a digital dial tone started. He snapped it shut.

"Oh for the love of marmalade," came the deeper man's voice from under the hat, "You said he was lame, but that just took the..."

"Book!" Shadwell intoned, rummaging through his pockets again.

He held up a loose small paperback.

A snicker wafted from the darkness.

"That's a T.V. guide..."

"Silence!" warned Shadwell. "Feel the wrath of thee mighty bindings and words within!"

"Ouch," came Crowlydia's bored voice.

The seated figure still didn't move, and Shadwell toed to the circle's edge.

"CANDLE!" Shadwell crowed, reaching for one of the floor candles and holding it aloft.

Guttering loudly, the flame went out. 

"So be it," chuckled the mystery voice, seething with amusement.

Then all the candles went out. The writing on the floor began to glow.

Shadwell scanned around the caliginous room in utter confusion.

"Shaaaadwell," warned the deeper voice. "You just reached into the circle and grabbed _my_ candle."

The old man went rigid.

"Well, I did the deed!" He pointed at the unmoving form. "Now, away whi’ ye, devils!" 

In the darkness, he could abruptly see Crowlydia's unusual eyes, glowing and staring back.

"Ohh, no," purred the voice. "Shadwell, you just broke your own rules and crossed a very literal line. Had your fun, as it were."

"No fun in God's work! Tis' no use, then I'll just have to do it the last step and expel the demons for all time!" He pointed between the golden glowing eyes. "By the powers invested in me! By the glory that bestowed upon tha' Witch Hunters Army! I banish ye..."

Crowlydia's head began to turn and didn't stop.

Shadwell shuddered but re-righted himself.

"By... by... the glory of God above..."

Crowlydia's head kept going around until the face reemerged on the other side, along with an oversized grin.

"I banish thee forth!"

Crowlydia's head snapped back into place.

"Thanks Uncle," the voice that was certainly not Crowlydia's chimed. "That neck crick is gone. You have some handy skills."

Shadwell grit his teeth.

"You! You wicked creature! I loathed ye since the day ye were born and..."

"Two strikes."Crowlydia stood up, eyes glowing from under the lampshade like covering as they crossed their arms. “And hey, I’m not fond of you either but ‘loathed’?”

Shadwell jutted his chin, crossing his own arms, and stepped forward. 

"Ye always were clearly the product of Witchcraft..."

"And three strikes, you just stepped into my circle..."

Shadwell looked down and realized he was now standing within the glowing confines.

He glared back at the golden eyes and sneered.

"Enough games!" he barked, grabbing for the hat, yanking it away.

"Show yer face you..." He fell silent.

It wasn't Crowlydia. Instead, it was a decaying pale face with a shock of white hair and a devious grin. 

"Hey, that was my hat!" the deeper voice that clearly belonged to this face chided. 

"Whaaa-aaat have you done to the infernal freak show tha' is mah' cousin's hell-spawn?!" Shadwell babbled.

"Oh, very little, to be honest,"

"You... you... demon!" Shadwell shrieked while pointing.

"I much prefer Occult Being..."

"DEMON!"

"I have a name, too. Abeezlejuice. Do you like it?"

"DEMON! I stand before thee as a servant of god..."

"You aren't standing, actually," Abeezlejuice corrected. 

  
  


Shadwell looked down to see emptiness beneath their feet. Pure utter blackness in an unending void. His mind couldn't compute the sensation.

"Whaa...aa..."

"And now you're upside down too. Fancy that."

Shadwell snapped back to staring at his new unwanted companion, only to see his grinning, impish face upside down in front of his.

"Stop with this madness!" Shadwell cried, feeling his whole senses becoming wobbly. He floundered with his arms to no avail.

"Why would I do that?!" Abeezlejuice. "You are hilarious right now."

"Infernal creature! Laugh your last! I shall send ye to the depths!"

"No need," Abeezlejuiece yawned. "We're already there, actually. Have a nice trip with it."

Gravity returned to Shadwell. He was plunging into some sort of deep dark depth, unsure if he was heading up or down anymore.

The raucous laughter of Crowlydia and Abeezlejuice pervaded the void around him, driving into his head. Then as quick as it began, he was staggering to a solid floor. Though the surroundings were dark and indescribable, he could see the familiar binding circle on the floor. He was in the middle of it. A sliver of hope bloomed in his mind as the glowing scripts and runes began to fade. 

_"God, have mercy on your poor servant. Give me a sign to which I kin' escape from the belly of the Beast."_

The whole room seemed to be re-alighting back to Crowlydia’s bedroom as familiar features and furniture began to materialize. Shadwell righted himself at the sight of Crowlydia, standing nearby, looking utterly smug.

"You! You caused all this!” He stood up, rambling closer."I'll tell yer' parents everything..."

Crowlydia smirked."They won't believe you, crazy old man."

"Not before I personally throttle the evil from yer' evil hide!"

"Hey, hey," Crowlydia preened, "That's going too far."

"TOO FAR?" Shadwell puffed beside them, teeth bared, eyes glimmering.

"Yeah," Crowlydia mockingly explained. "I just... got professional help."

Shadwell slammed a hand on Crowlydia's shoulder to grab. The instant his fingers touched, the form fell away. Crowlydia collapsed like sand poured from a bucket. Shadwell gaped, pulling his hand back as the whole form melted into a black mass that seemed to flow along the ground. As fast as they fell, the formless mass was suddenly swirling around Shadwell's legs. Whipping faster than he could think, it was suddenly retaking form and became solid and body-like. 

Shadwell saw the first thing in the motion was the familiar glowing eyes, right in his face and significantly larger. Then, the next thing he noticed was the clamping squeeze on his whole body.

Glancing downward he saw black scaled coils encircling his body up to his shoulders. 

He dared his eyes to look back up and realize Crowlydia's eyes were now housed in an oversized snake's body. And it was wrapped around him. It hissed with the same intensity of a motorcycle revving, leaning closer to Shadwell's mortified countenance.

"Dang ya!" Shadwell cringed, making an effort to fight against the confines.

"Language!" chided Abeezlejuice, lounging on Crowlydia's bed.

"You!" Shadwell threatened, "Turning an innocent little punk into that vile serpent!"

Abeezlejuice gave a small handwave and nodded as if to say, _"Yup, it was I."_

"I'll... I'll..."

"You'll whaaat?" hissed Crowlydia's decidedly raspier voice. 

Shadwell popped his mouth for a moment and darted his eyes around.

"I'll... not stand for witchcraft and devils in my house!"

Abeezlejuice and Crowlydia raucously started laughing.

"It'sssss not your houssse, Uncle," Crowlydia corrected. "Ssso, perhapssss you could sssshow sssome gratitude and leave othersss to what they like to do."

Shadwell pursed his lips and flared his nostrils.

"Ye think this whole carnival will be enef' to scare me into relenting from my sworn duty?"

"Go take your Sssworn Duty and ssstick it in your eye for all I care," Crowlydia retorted. "Jussst leave everyone alone."

"But.. but... there are low life wanton Demons in the house now! In this very room!"

"Don't talk about my friend that way!" Crowlydia warned, pressing their scaled forehead against Shadwell's to glower deep into his bulging eyes.

"Yeah!" Abeezlejuice pouted from the bed. "I'm sensitive. You might hurt my feelings. And you don't wanna do that."

"Well, 'ef I can't change you,” Shadwell preened, “Know this; "Ya' can't change me from my ways."

"You're right," Crowlydia agreed, pulling back slightly. "Only one thing left to do in that case. Eat you."

"Yes!" Abeezlejuice bounced on the mattress like an unrestrained kid. "I’ve always wanted to see that!"

Shadwell popped his mouth open a few times.

"Ya'...wouldn't!" he squawked. 

The serpentine face widened in an unmistakable grin that indicated otherwise.

"They would," assured Abeezlejuiece. “It appears endless years of haranguing my friend over their styles and preferences has really come to a breaking point in your relationship with them.”

The scaled mouth cracked apart with a hiss, revealing saber fangs.

"I...I... fear not!" Shadwell barked.

He gave one final glance over at Abeezlejuice, still seated, now eating from a bag of popcorn, watching excitedly. "Do get on with it!" he urged. "I paid good money for this show!"

Shadwell cringed back at the fangs as they pressed closer along with a hiss of hot breath.

"Perhaps...." he whispered, "I could... be... persuaded...."

______________________________

  
  


Todd and Harriet stumbled in the front door, smiling and chattering.

They made their way to the living area in the middle of the house, still tittering in hushed voices to find Shadwell. He was seated in a reading chair, a lamp on above him, reading a book. He looked up with a grin.

  
  


"Well, 'ello folks," he briskly greeted. "Back from yer shenanigans?"

"That we are," Harriet replied, shooting a shocked stare at the friendliness from the curmudgeon. 

Suddenly a springy guitar tune wafted pleasantly from upstairs along with a pulsing beat as Harry Belafonte's voice shouted out.

_~SHAKE, SHAKE, SHAKE SENORA!_

  
  


"Well, it appears Crowlydia is up to being themselves," Todd sighed. "Past their bedtime..."

"Oh, let the child be thum' selves," Shadwell shushed, holding up a hand.

_SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE!_

Harriet and Todd looked at each other.

"Well,” Harriet offered, “We can at least tell them to turn down the music..."

"Ahh, nay!" Shadwell waved a hand. "Hardly a bother!"

Harriet glanced back at Todd and gave a nervous grin.

"Uhhh, did anything happen?" Todd questioned, scanning the room again. 

"No! No! Nothin'!" Shadwell folded his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels. "Perfectly quiet evenin' with my book! The children..."

He paused when he spotted Warlock sneaking through the front door, holding his shoes, tiptoeing towards the staircase."...Have been paradigms of good behavior!"

He gave a quick wink to the boy as Warlock gleefully bounded up the stairs in time with the beat.The bewildered parents searched each other's faces for any idea of what was going on.

Shadwell grinned and paced about.

"As I say, let lil’ins be lil’ins! Even if they get a lil' wild. Thar' antics may get under your skin, but ya' canno' let it eat you."

_______________________

_~JUMP IN THE LINE!_

"So!" Abeezlejuice shouted while still skipping about, "What shall we do now?"

Crowlydia and Abeezlejuice were hopping around the room together to the infectious beat.

"I have no idea!" Crowlydia laughed, slowing their steps and pausing. "I mean...I started out trying to..." That sad twist in their spine they had forgotten for the last few days returned as they thought about how all this began. 

"Oh, well, maybe somehow trying to help my friends. But they're... dead." 

The music went silent and a cricket chirped.

The newly released Ghoul contemplated his friend's crestfallen posture and words."Well," Abeezlejuice slyly offered, "I'm your friend. You helped me. And I'm dead! Maybe you can do what you did before?" 

Crowlydia rolled this around mentally, then held up a finger."Of course! The Book!"

They rushed to the bed and slid the book out from under it. Walking back over to Abeezlejuice, they cracked it open.

He clapped his hands together in joy. "It's much more fun seeing the Book from this side, I'll admit," he said as he pored over the pages.

Crowlydia flipped through the pages until they felt a part of the book pulling themselves wide and flat. There was a very short sentence on the page.

_'_ **_What are you waiting for chylde?JUMP!'_ **

"'Jump?' How?" Crowlydia lowered the book. "Where?"

Just then, the door to her closet flung open.

Crowlydia hopped backward into Abeezlejuice, still clutching the book.

A ghostly light glowed from the other side that was clearly not closet contents anymore while fog slid out into the room.

Crowlydia lowered their shades and gaped.“Uhhm, Abeezlejuice… what… where…”

"Ohh, it looks like your book opened the door to another realm!" Abeezlejuice leaned even closer and clutched their shoulders."I think it's a portal to the realm between the dead and living!"

"No way! Really?!" Crowlydia felt the book twitch and jump without warning. The covers parted and revealed something loose and small. Crowlydia snatched it up, hoping for another instruction.

"A polaroid? One of my polaroids?"

"Hey, it's us!" Abeezlejuice chirped, staring at the image. "We make a really cute couple!"

The image was of them, just seconds before, staring back into the closet as it had first opened.

Glancing back at the book Crowlydia saw one word scribbled in Anathema's perfect handwriting.

_JUMP._

Crowlydia snapped the book shut, trooped over to their bed, and grabbed their camera.

"Well, it looks like I'm right and I can go find Anathema and Newt," they firmly explained while slinging the camera around their neck.

"You can't!" Abeezlejuice protested.

"Look," Crowlydia sighed, "I don't have time to explain, but I feel I must. I owe it to them, and it might be my only chance."

  
  


Abeezlejuice was suddenly in front of them, wearing their enormous black hat. 

"I mean, you need your hat if you are going out. If you are going out, go in style, please."

Rolling their eyes, Crowlydia snatched it off his head.

"Thanks.I appreciate your otherworldly help and please enjoy your freedom and keep this place haunted while I'm gone. But I have to get moving."

"Really?" Abeezlejuice pouted as the lights around him darkened. 

A small rain cloud appeared above his head. 

Crowlydia sighed, feeling guilty.

"Sorry, I don't have much time to talk. I have my book, and I'm not a kid, so I think I might have a shot at this."

"Hmm, if I may offer," Abeezlejuice swiped the clouds away, "Perhaps you need help from someone who has actually BEEN to otherworldly realms? Hmmm? And perhaps knows a bit about after life and lost souls?"

Crowlydia held their breath.

"Would you?"

Abeezlejuice snapped his fingers, the music resuming headily.

_~WORK! WORK! WORK SENORA!!_

He held out a hand with a small bow and a cheeky grin. 

"What are we waiting for?" he said with a wink.

_~SHAKE SHAKE SENORA!_

Crowlydia took it, clutching their book with the other arm. Giving each other a nod that they were ready, they clutched their hands tighter and stared forward.

_~JUMP IN THE LINE! ROCK YOUR BODY IN TIME!_

They both raced to the eerie threshold.

"I'm coming, Anathema!" Crowlydia whooped.

"Mind how you go!" Abeezlejuice warned as they leaped through the frame.

**_~JUMP IN THE LINE!_ **

Which they did, the door creaking shut behind them.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I didn't quite reach the maniacal heights of the character, but I like to think Abeez is a good natured spook with a crush who can and will go feral. ;)  
> AND open ended... maybe more room for more adventures?  
> OF COURSE there's Harry Belafonte songs, that is half of the movie Beetlejuice, but I figured I'd shake it up with a different one to start.
> 
> Thanks again so much to [Astral_gravy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/astral_gravy/pseuds/astral_gravy) for letting me just do what I wanted to this piece!  
> And thanks again to the great team of ABSFZ!


End file.
